whatweretheythinking

Not sure if this will develop into a new cat­egory or not, but couldn’t resist posting about this one. The other night, over a few beers, a friend out­lined the syn­opsis of a film so ridicu­lous that most of us thought he was making it up. The fol­lowing morning, he sent us this:

Yes. It appears that this turd was actu­ally made. Tiptoes (2003) fea­tured such A-list talent as Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beckinsale, Patricia Arquette and Gary Oldman, the latter playing, wait for it, a dwarf. With a sup­porting cast that must have included every dwarf that could read a line (including, unfor­tu­nately, the tal­ented Peter Dinklage), Tiptoes went straight to DVD after its Sundance premiere, which is why nobody has heard of it.

There is so much that is just ter­rible about this idea, I’m not sure where to begin. But having Gary Oldman walk around on his knees to make him appear dwarflike (without accounting for the normal length of his arms) is surely one of the most glaring mis­steps. And why not have real dwarf Dinklage play Oldman’s part? To be honest, I don’t think any­thing would have saved this, but it might be fun to screen this for a look at some A-list talent working hard for a paycheque. I’m sure a few beers would help.

Tagged as: straight2dvd, whatweretheythinking

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